Some nerve...

OMG...this morning I was awoken out of my sleep by an excruciating pain in my lower back and all the way down my leg. I woke Weldon up and the two of us concluded it was probably my kidney. Yesterday I didn't drink a lot of water, perhaps a prego can't get away with that. Weldon suggeseted I drink some water. I went to the kitchen and chugged down a glass of H20. Moments later, the water didn't help- the pain persisted. Ouch! I decided I needed to be more aggressive in figuring this thing out, for Ziggy at the very least. I knew the hospital was where I needed to go but decided to try one more resource: nurse mommy. First, I shed a few tears. Dadbobbit, I'm a scaredy cat. I started worrying about what on earth was causing pain that was bad enough to wake me up. Of course I started fighting against thoughts of the worst while keeping in mind the pain was nowhere in the vicinity of my baby. I gathered my composure and called my mom. I asked her what she thought was going on and she immediately ruled out a kidney problem. Apparently, those don't come out of nowhere, especially for a person with no history. I am famous for self-diagnosis and was once again, incorrect.

"It's sciatica", she said sleepily (the call took place at 7am this morning). I googled this strange word with her on the phone and knew she hit the jackpot. Apparently some nerve called the sciatic nerve gets irritated easier during pregnancy. The pain shoots in the exact locale of my pain this morning and is relieved by bedrest and yoga. I stayed in bed for quite a while this morning and am in much better shape...thank goodness!!! It was pretty scary though. I have been spoiled with a painless, easy-breezy pregnancy and that truly threw me for a loop.

Speaking of yoga, I tried it on Wednesday. It was awesome!!! I felt so empowered doing strength training again. There is a lot more resistance involved in yoga than I remembered from classes I took years ago. I found myself struggling through certain poses, which I know is good for me and Ziggy. There was only one pose I couldn't do because my grapefruit was in the way. Yeah, that's right, Ziggy is now the size of a grapefruit...so big!!! I left the yoga class and got a video so I can do it out of my house whenever I want. I'm so happy that I will be a yogi!!!

So, yeah, Ziggy the Grapefruit is coming along. Other than the crazy nerve sitch everything has been great. In fact...

ZIGGY KICKED ME!!!

This time it wasn't a muscle spasm...I triple checked to make sure. It was my baby! It was the neatest thing ever. Of course I got greedy and wanted more kicks. I set my phone on vibrate and started buzzing all over my belly in hopes of stimulating Ziggy. It didn't work :( I was hoping we could play a little peek-a-boo game where I buzz and Ziggy kicks. No such luck. Oh well, at least my baby moved! Yippee!!!

PS I'm still 17 weeks along, which means my baby is advanced! Yayuh!

Enough said! Tootles!

Sooooo...I felt little flutters in my side last night. I felt elated that Ziggy finally kicked me! How crazy is it that pregnancy makes me want to get my butt totally kicked?! I really do though, Ziggy can sucker punch me or dropkick me anytime. I was just about to get up and catalog this milestone in my baby's prelife when suddenly I felt the same sweet little flutters in my lower back...then my upper leg. Oh no....

...a friggin' muscle spasm.

All this laying on my side has my muscles spazzing out at night. What a tease! Technically, kicks aren't due until week 18 or 19 and I'm only 17 weeks. Ziggy has already proven to be advanced so an early kick wouldn't surprise me. What? Oh, you didn't know that my baby is advanced? Yep. On our 8-week sono the doctor saw the spine and gasped involuntarily at how amazing it is. He said, "That's a really good spine" in the same tone you would say that a steak was good. He then printed an extra picture of my baby and said that he wanted to keep it for himself. My baby's spine is so magnificent that even an MD wanted a picture of it. I'm not bragging, just telling the facts.

Anyhoo, since Ziggy didn't kick me it would appear that I have another issue: my muscles are tense. I'm gonna go ahead and start yoga tomorrow. I figure if I get flexible enough I won't have to differentiate between baby kicks and muscle spasms. Maybe I will even be able to do the splits on the delivery table. Hmmm, would that be helpful or harmful? Better yet, what would that look like? Ew! Nevermind, I will just utilize any breathing techniques I learn while in yoga. Learning how to breathe properly would most likely calm me down since I'm a little nervous about delivery. My biggest fear is totally freaking out and trying to push my baby out as soon as my water breaks. I can be a little impulsive at times so I better go get on this yoga hustle to learn to manage my bad nerves.

Until next time...

I am not negative, I am a dancer.

I was reading someone's blog recently and she made an interesting comment. She said that the only rights she has with people are to accept them for who they are or stay away from them. Wow. That resonated with me. I have a problem with the shady little gray area I have created within this ideal. You see, I accept people for who they are (unless they piss me off or do something I think is stupid, then I 'vent' with someone else about how much they suck at life). I also stay away from people (unless I don't, which is the case with certain people in my life I have absolutely not accepted yet still associate with). Ugh! I'm wasting my time and others'. What a loser! So my plan is to now negate the gray area I have created and do the following: 1) stop 'venting' about people, because it is glorifed gossip and a reason to be bratty. 2) stop hanging around people I simply cannot deal with 3) truly accept people I simply cannot avoid 4) get cooler and more humble, heck, people accept my imperfections!



Someone who is really good at this is my sister (shout out!!). She has never been rude or nasty about people behind their backs. People have disappeared from her circle of friends over the years, but she never blasphemes people. She's pretty smart. I guess I feel guilty ex-ing people out of my life but now I realize I'm making myself miserable by keeping them around. I'm not a deity, I am not strong enough to be around people I can't accept. My pride has gotten in the way of my happiness!!! I'm the only idiot wasting my time with people I can't accept. Man...where was I when the memo was sent? Now I'm just plain embarassed.



I can't wait to see what I will do with all of my free time now that I will start to live by a new ideal. My conversations with my bff/hubby will be a lot different, because he's the one to whom I do most of my venting. I'm sure he will be relieved to hear me talk about something else besides how annoyed I am by people all the time. Perhaps I will take up reality TV watching. Better yet, I may even film my own life and post it on YouTube. There could be some things folks would find entertaining.

I will start off with my job. I teach middle school Spanish. It could be considered entertainment to watch me try to teach native Texans how to speak Spanish. PS: Texas is a red state. Funny!!!! I will also zoom in on the kids who eat boogers while reading library books. It's gross, because I see the books change hands from kid to kid and all I can picture is Kid A wiping his boogie on page 35. Yuck! If kids knew they were touching each other's boogies they probably wouldn't be so snotty towards each other (no pun intended).



Another point of interest would definitely have to be my cat. He sleeps just about all the time, but manages to find a new position EVERY time he naps. I don't get it. I've had him for six years and he still finds new positions. Take a look at this one:



Is he really comfortable? The other thing I find really odd about my cat is that he always opens his eyes for pictures. He's ALWAYS looking at the camera. I can never catch him off guard. How does he know?! He was totally knocked out until he heard my camera beep and then those little marble eyes opened up. Scary.

I would also focus on my husband, who does basketball poses when a ballad comes on the radio. I'm not kidding. He actually does an 'air' layup or fade-away when he hears Whitney Houston. It's hilarious. He also does a security check of our house every...single...time we come home. I'm not allowed to speak, in case the thief is being quiet and sneaky. I have to stay near the garage door, in case we have to run back out of the house. Then he goes from room to room, checking closets and underneath the beds. There is a weapon involved. A metal stick that was once a curtain rod. In case the thief is there, Weldon will be ready! Believe it or not, I have actually bought in to this ritual. I sneezed once and was terrified that I had given the thief opportunity to make a move. What's going on at the Barber house?!

Finally, I would turn the camera on myself. I actually sit for extended periods of time in my house with no television or music. What am I doing? Not reading, just thinking. It shows all over my face, too. Weldon says I look like a victim of shock. What am I thinking about? My 'to-do' list or designing a new outfit in my head or decorating my dream house. My favorite daydream is adopting a 2-year old. I know it's weird because I'm pregnant but I literally fantasize about bringing home a little 2-year old and putting her in a bubble bath and then feeding her the best meal she's ever had. Yes, it's always a girl. I actually get annoyed when Weldon interrupts me! If you don't daydream, then you should. It's pretty relaxing. I also have dance routines that I am dedicated to, they usually occur before I cook. In my head I am doing lyrical interpretations of Alicia Keys' songs, but in person I probably look like I'm having a seizure. Sometimes, Weldon walks into the kitchen while I'm dancing and I pretend I'm swatting a fly or stretching...it's too embarassing to own up to my dreams of being a dancer. I also do gymnastic beam routines on my tile lines. I'm really good at turns and jumps, I always stick my landing, too.

Already I am excited to have more free time. What a relief that I don't have to be weighed down by negativity. I feel dumb for figuring it out late but thanks to the blogger and my sister, I have good role models to keep me on track.

Shalom.

Lady Lumps and an Apple

There is an apple in my belly. It is alive. It is hard. I am scared to lie down on it for fear that I will crush it. It moves around to different spots in my belly. Now, I can actually poke around my belly and find my apple! Whenever I find it I'm always so happy! Weldon doesn't like me poking because he says I'm hurting Ziggy (I still do it...in secret). I can't help it! I love finding my apple!!! The other day I was bowling and when I bent down to roll the ball into the gutter my apple would pinch me a little bit. I eventually stopped bowling because I didn't like being pinched over and over again (and because I SUCK, hee hee). I'm sure that once I buy maternity pants I will stop getting pinched. It's weird though, because I'm not big enough for maternity pants yet so I just unbutton my top button like a beer daddy and keep it moving.

(By the way, my uncle touched my little poof of a bump yesterday. It was so cute. He is my first bump-toucher. My two friends, Nikki and Damion, don't count, because they've been touching my belly since I told them about Ziggy. They love my baby just that much! Weldon doesn't count either, because, well, he just doesn't!)

Anyhoo, speaking of maternity clothes...my chest is ready for maternity tops! Yeah, buddy, that's right. My girls are now women! I find myself peeking at them when I'm out in public, or at home, or in the shower, or driving. I think I like them too much. My bikini top is too small for me, which makes me sad because I must've been smaller than I imagined before Ziggy. What will I do when they go away? I WANT TO KEEP THEM. My mama says I can't. I say boooooo! I totally get why people get implants now. Before I didn't get it but now...man, oh man, I get it! If I wasn't afraid of goop leaking into my body and killing me I would sew them in like a weave, honey. I have no shame! With my luck, the goop would totally leak though, so I'll just take pregnant pics and keep them in my nightstand to peek at when this is all over.

Well, that's about it, folks. Me and my girls are gonna go struttin' around town like we do everyday. I gotta go put on my v-neck. Tootles.

Through the Night

I need to share an interesting story.

Tonight I got into a fight with a friend (I happened to be the one in the wrong). Because of my ill treatment of her it also caused friction between Weldon and I (he saw me be mean right in front of him). So far, nothing out of the ordinary has occured. Friends fight and husbands see us at our worst sometimes.

I was feeling heavy-hearted about the situation and decided to go to the bookstore to collect my thoughts. I picked through a book in the Christian section (yes, I was just that guilty...lol) and chose not to buy it. I went to the African-American section and thought to myself "sometimes being in tune with yourself is cultural, not religious". Sure enough the first book I saw was called "Souls of My Young Sisters". It is an anthology of different women's experiences with life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. No, that is not what the book called it, but that's what the stories were about. I flipped through a couple of stories and stumbled upon a familiar name. My friend Syreta from college was actually one of the authors! Sure enough when they gave the author description at the end of her story it said she was a Spelman graduate...it's really her! I closed the book and promptly went to purchase (I've got to support this cause). On the way out of the bookstore I carelessly grabbed a free bookmark, the prettiest one, and went home.

Sitting at home I was still heavy-hearted every time I thought about the fight. I knew the fight was trivial but the root of the fight was deep. Weldon and I watched a movie but periodically I would feel a pang on the inside. Once we settled in for the night I slipped out of bed and went to the guest room to cry it out. It was then that I finally figured out the deep-rooted issue that I am always having with people. It was made manifest to me tonight as I cried out by myself to God. I knew this epiphany was a gift because I prayed a week ago for an answer to the situation because I simply couldn't figure it out by myself. The answer was one simple word: vulnerable. I'm not it. She is. They all are. All the people I resent and get frustrated with. I've never been vulnerable because I was taught not to trust people and to self-protect. In reality there is freedom in vulnerability. I envy those with a freedom I do not have (ouch).

Boy was I really crying then. I knew why a lot of people around me might share my frustrations. They too may not be vulnerable. They may also resent the freedom that vulnerable people enjoy. Furthermore, they are mostly black women. Sisters. We have been taught to protect and never to trust, never to let anyone take care of us better than we can take care of ourselves. Are we 'self-protectors' as free as those daring enough to go against the grain? Nope. If we were then the resentment simply wouldn't be there. Suddenly I knew that it was not a coincidence that I picked up the book that featured my Spelman sister. I didn't want to wake Weldon so I grabbed my book and free bookmark and went into the living room where I now sit.

I was prepared to bury myself in my new book. However, as I picked up the bookmark I noticed a scripture written on it. Remember, I didn't even pay attention to what was on it as I left the bookstore. This is what it said:

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalms 91: 11-12

On the back of the bookmark was an advertisement for a book. The book is called "Through the Night." Wow.

I know people who struggle with their faith and are confused about Jesus. The only way I know to share my understanding is through stories like these. If God has your ear there is a lot He has to say. Just listen. I have an open ear to God so I learned so much tonight. The most prevalent lesson was to let go and trust people. I started thinking that my baby will be vulnerable too. Am I going to resent him or her? Why wouldn't I unless I start to break the habit now, through the night.

I'm not even trying to turn this into a holy ghost, speaking-in-tongues kind of site, just a girl who got chills when she picked up a bookmark. It was too real not to share. Love ya.

Spritekin

Wow....I don't know where to begin. Ziggy is bigger now! There is a hard lump in my belly about the size of an apple, I think that may be my baby. I was sitting down the other day and reached over to give something to my niece and I pinched the apple...it kind of hurt! Then I felt bad because I hope I didn't pinch my baby too! Yikes! The point is, my baby boo is growing! I would post a belly pic (yep, I took one) but Weldon thinks that's a bad idea. He's very protective and says that stalkers may be reading this blog too and if I post belly pics someone in the Cuban baby trading mafia may knock on our door one day and cut the baby right out of my belly. That would truly suck so I guess I won't post any pics of my apple bump.



On another note, I am now a seamstress. Yep, that's right, I got out a needle and thread the other day and it was all for Ziggy. I told you I barely recognize myself! So what I decided was that my baby needs a stuffed animal made especially by me. I went and got a Japanese 'cute dolls' book and found the perfect creature to make! He's called a Spritekin! My other choices were a monkey with a frowny face, a liar, and a kidnapper. I'm NOT joking. There were literally patterns on how to make a kidnapper, including the napsack for the children he kidnaps. Yes, he specifically kidnaps children as stated in his description. I settled for Spritekin because he's just so darn cute.



Making this doll was quite an undertaking though. My niece and I were going stir crazy trying to cut patterns, sew and stuff these things. He looks so simple but it took us three hours to make them! We were both so spent that we wanted to punch the dolls in the face when we were finished! Once we saw the cute faces we decided against it.

Take a look:



Isn't he cute?! He even posed for his picture! Before you ask, I have no idea what he is. I'm just hoping my baby will love and adore him forever and ever simply because I made it. Perhaps he or she will even bring Spritekin to show and tell!

Anyhoo, that's all for now. Please excuse me while I go eat a pickle.