Full Term

Ziggy is officially full term today! Yep, that's right, 36 weeks! Woo hoo! Technically, my munchkin pie can come out anytime now and be A-okay. Of course, the little lungs can always use as much time as possible, so there's still no rush. I'm still pretty stoked, though.

As far as I'm concerned, I FEEL 9 months pregnant. Let-me-tell-you. In just one week I have undergone a DRASTIC metamorphosis. I have been growing about every 5 days now and I feel every inch of it. When Ziggy grows I can feel the stretching and it's pretty uncomfortable. My biggest area of complaint, however is my energy level. About twice or three times a day I get an overwhelming feeling of being weighed down. It feels like an anvil is sitting on my entire upper body and it is really hard to function. The best way to describe it is breathlessness, with a twist of every other vital organ being pressed down as well. Not fun. I was telling Weldon that it may be when my body feeds Ziggy...? Not sure what it is because it lasts for a while and then goes away. I'm going through a good spurt right now, it's been about 2 hours. It's times like these that I am so grateful for. I'm so happy I don't feel that anvil feeling all day long. It's enough to make me want to cry.

Yesterday I pushed myself and went to Babies R Us to get the 'going home' outfit. It felt good to be up and walking after the car ride. When I am in the car driving I get uncomfortable after about 10 minutes because of the angle I'm sitting in. Also, my right leg really likes to be upright and I can't do that when I'm the one driving. Needless to say, by the time I arrived at the store I was so relieved to be out of that car! I got Zig the cutest little white outfit; I did settle though, because they didn't have my first choice in the right size. Sure enough, when I got home, daddy wasn't as happy with it either. We are going to go to a different store in hopes of finding first choice. Then I will post pics of the new outfit.

Last night friends came over after dinner. I cooked and then cleaned up and laid out a few things for them. By the end of the night my legs were in sheer agony. It felt like I swam 5 miles. I had to elevate them really, really high in order to calm them down. I laid with my legs up on my headboard last night. It felt good and I was able to sleep. At this point, any sleep I get is a blessing, no matter how coo-coo I may look on the outside.

I got out a calendar to map out my January. There's not a lot of time left before Zig comes out. I have a couple of days off that won't count against maternity leave and I am trying to calculate the best way to shuffle them around. I decided not to work more than two days in a row, which means I will take every Wednesday off until the baby comes. That should help things out. I've already decided that dinner is now going to be a one pot sensation from here on out. No more chopping and sauteeing and stirring- I paid dearly for that yesterday.

Ziggy is soooo active. I love my little boopie. The personality of this baby is very chipper and upbeat. Ziggy loves to play, play, play! S/he is very responsive to drastic things in the outside world. The other day I woke him or her up with a loud guffaw. Weldon and I loved it because it was proof that there is a third person in the room with us at all times. Sigh...

My cat has kind of backed away a little bit. He doesn't like me to hold him as much as he used to. I think the bump has gotten to him. My friend Jessica said that since he is a mammal himself he totally gets what's happening. She may be right. He has a slight interest in Ziggy's things but we let him snoop around to his liking so he gets used to them. He has been redirected from the crib only once. The bassinet is no longer of interest to him. The biggest issue is the rocking chair. It is a papasan rocker so it's a perfect cat-cubby. Sorry, Alex, not for you!

Okay, I'm feeling a little too good right now. I have rambled on for far too long. I've got to relieve you of this now. I think I will go have a glass of water and relish in this moment of comfort- who knows how long I have.

Until next time...

Lovely Bones

Hidey Ho! Well, Christmas is coming, yes indeed. Of course, Santa is the LAST thing on my mind. As we approach the holidays, all I can think about is Ziggy! People at my job keep asking me if I'm coming back after Christmas Break. I really hope to return to work after Christmas break because I don't want my baby to come early! Although, with the way I have been feeling these past two weeks, I see why people want to put a rush on delivery. Goodness gracious! Since we last touched base:

I can no longer sit at a right angle without my legs being separated.
My arms are sore as though I've been working out (sleeping on my sides has finally caught up with me).
Queesiness has returned (ugh).
I can't breathe!!!
Ziggy's bones have gotten harder and mommy feels it!!!

Kung Fu Panda is still in full effect. Those hard little bones are so intrusive when the baby kicks now. It doesn't hurt, but it feels soooo strange and it makes me gasp. The fun part is the little knots that show up on belly. I really like them!!! I have no idea what they are, some would say elbows...? It's pretty scary to think that there's a real little baby hanging out upside down in my belly.

I had one scare with the doctor. One day at work I felt menstrual-like cramps for about 2 hours straight. They scared me so I called the doctor and she said to take Tylenol and take a bath...and that if they didn't go away after 2 hours to go to labor and delivery!!!! Instantly, I started to cry. When I heard the words Labor and Delivery I froke (not a real word) out. Ziggy is only 33 weeks along!!! They reassured me that it would only be to do a few tests on me and Zig. Luckily the bath and Tylenol worked and I haven't had a single cramp. Phew!!! That scared me to death!

I'm getting Braxton Hicks more and more often (about 3 or 4 times a day), which is totally normal. All in all, I'm still comfortable about 65% of the time, which is awesome. I can't imagine going into labor anytime soon though. There are still moments when I close my eyes and don't feel pregnant. I can still sleep through the night. Who knows when Ziggy is going to come out. The first thing I'm going to do is look at that little gender...then kiss Ziggy on those juicy little lips. I'm so stoked!!!

Until next time...

Where ya been?

Whoa. To say it's been a while would be an understatement. I'm not sure where all the time has gone. I realized that not only has the past month flown by, but 2010 flew by. I'm having Thanksgiving and Christmas recollections that cannot possibly be from last year; it seems too soon. As I pondered why this year is different, I realized that apart from the first four months of 2010, I've been pregnant this entire year. Ziggy has consumed everything and also made things seem unimportant that I may have otherwise spent more energy on. That must explain why 2010 has been a total blur, save for the ever-important ultra sounds, heartrate updates, and prenatal tales of those who came before me on this journey.

So, to bring things to date, this past month has been full of wonder and awe. Since we last touched base I have been through so many changes. I will start with Ziggy, otherwise known as Kung Fu Panda and/or Giant Baby. So my munchkin can no longer be compared to a fruit. Weighing in at almost four pounds (3.12) and 15.2 inches, I've got a real baby hanging out in my belly...upside down. My torso has been overtaken and now it looks like I have a watermelon stuffed into my shirt. At first glance it looks like a basketball, but if you look closely you can see that it goes all the way up my torso, with an oblong shape. I feel kicks just below my lady lumps and always on the right side.

Kung Fu Panda has found a home on the right side of my uterus, which, coincidentally would be the same side s/he came from in the first place- my right ovary. A random fact? I know, but it's what the doctor said. Anyhoo, I am now getting nothing short of beaten up on a daily basis. I love every minute of it, too. My sweetie is so super active it's not even funny. I won't bore you with every little detail about my baby, but I will give a summary of what the heck has happened since my last post.

Maternity pics- uber fun and cute! My sister-in-law took them and did an awesome job...I totally love them.
Halloween- I took my niece trick-or-treating and dressed up as a man. Yep, I really am that obnoxious ;-)
Mural- Ziggy has a real nursery, with an adorable mural, courtesy of my friend Tina.
Baby Shower- with the help of some of my gal pals, my friend Nikki outdid herself in a wonderful book-themed celebration of our munchkin. It was a couple's shower so Weldon was there too...awesome-ness!
4D sonos- interesting. Firstly, we did not like the idea of these because we always thought they were creepy, overpriced, and inaccurate. BUT, when we walked into the doctor's office, the sonographer said she couldn't resist and gave us the pics totally free! I must admit, my heart melted when I saw my boopie's little lips and cheeks. I salivate just thinking about them!
Two-week doctor visits- yep, I'm in my third trimester, which means I go to the doctor every 2 weeks now.
Weight gain- My total now is 24 pounds. People say they don't know where it is hiding, but I'm here to say, it is in my belly and my lady lumps. I have two half-gallon jugs and a watermelon (previously mentioned) that collectively weigh 24 pounds, I swear it. You know who else swears it? My back. And lungs. And heart. I am now a cross between biggie smalls (the rapper who breathed heavily on a couch proclaiming 'more money, more problems') and a waddling toddler. I try so very hard not to waddle but goodness, it makes things so much easier. I give myself a few footsteps a day to cheat (waddle). I consider walking with my usual gait a workout that must be done in order to stay strong.

Speaking of waddling, my opinions on childbirth have drastically changed over the past month. I now am not scared of an epidural (I privately planned to go natural bc I was terrified of that needle). Braxton-Hicks contractions have now scared me in a different way so epidural, you have now made the list of possibilities. Inducing seems like a medical miracle (because it rescues people like me from a life of heavy breathing, waddling, and back pain). Finally, C-sections are wonderful gifts that should never be considered anything less. If I get a healthy baby home sometime in January I won't care if they had to cut it out of my nose. That's how desperately I want to see my baby.

In other news, I'm starting to feel a twinge of guilt about being a working mom. Honestly, I always felt like I was too much of a busy body to stay home, which I still think. But lately I've been feeling badly about leaving my baby with someone else. I picture them asking me why I'm leaving and not having a good reason to justify it. Money just seems so trivial now. Jees, it's trivial, but important enough for me to get over these fleeting thoughts and focus on the matter at hand: keeping a roof over Zig's head and all the essentials spoken for. Wellie and me are both teachers, so staying home is not an option. I'm hoping that this is just a phase and I will be able to shake this sudden guilt that I've been feeling.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed a few pics of my whereabouts this past month. I will also leave you with a list on how to torture a pregnant lady, if ever you feel compelled to collaborate with the devil.

1. Make her get dressed repeatedly.
2. Make her tie her shoes more than once a day.
3. Make her paint her toenails. Period.
4. Leave her with no toilet paper.
5. Make her sit down for more than 30 minutes.
6. Make her stand up for more than 10 minutes.
7. Have her try on boots...that have no side zippers.
8. Tell her to put lotion...on her legs.
9. Hold her hand while walking more than .5mph.
10. Make her reach across a table to get, well, anything.
11. Tell her to shave her bikini line.
12. Make her bend down to retrieve something off the floor from either a sitting or standing position.

Repeat this list as much as you want and you are certain to be torturing a pregnant lady.

Until next time...

A twelve-inch tennant and a semi-prisoner

Wow, a lot of changes since my last post. There are SOOOO many things about pregnancy that people did not tell me and I know exactly why. There are just some things you don't say out loud. I respect that, but man, oh man do I wish I had been prepared! If you've been prego you know what I'm talking about and if you haven't, sorry, there's just no way I can fill you in without ruining tonight's dinner. In the end, I know it will all be worth it though- only 3 more months 'til I get to see my little Ziggy!

I will say that I feel like I can relate to someone who has spent time in prison. I'm sure you're wondering why and it's easy. Between myself and a prisoner, I'm not sure who is more terrified of dropping their soap. Seriously. At night in the shower, when I drop my soap I literally want to cry. There is just no easy way to retrieve that little white mass and trust me, I've tried EVERYTHING. Bending forward is no longer an option, because my kangaroo pouch is simply too big. Squatting is hard, because my back is starting to hurt. I have recently discovered the sumo squat and that seems to be the best solution for right now. If I get any bigger, which I'm bound to, I'm not sure what I will do. Perhaps I will dig my nails into my bar of soap at the beginning of my shower and use that as a soap preserve in the event that I lose the entire bar. I imagine that I've got about 2 weeks left before the bar will be lost forever. Ugh. As I said, I now have something to talk about with an ex-con.

Also, things have disappeared, due to my belly. No one told me this would happen!!! OMG, in just a week's time I can no longer see...myself...in...certain...places. Let's just say that I'm glad swim season is over because it may be too late for any 'alterations' I may wish to make regarding swim attire. Yeah, that's right ladies, things disappear!!! All of a sudden, I have invisible body parts that I thought I would never lose sight of! Maybe I was naive or absent-minded not to expect this but I must admit that I was taken aback when I made the discovery. That is one of the things no one told me would happen and dang it I think that's important! I have a bone to pick with my mom and sister; I needed to know!!! I'm over it now and making do. I mean, as best I can. So far, it hasn't turned into a dangerous situation, but again, I foresee another 2-3 weeks before I have to start flying blind. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Hmmm....I will cross that bridge when I get there.

Enough about me, on to Ziggy!!! My little boopie is a busy body! When I tell you there is marathon training happening in my belly that is an understatement. Ziggy is now visible to the outside world in the form of lumps that poke up and down in my belly. I've been seeing them for a while but now that Ziggy is bigger other people can see and it's pretty neat. It has started to tickle in the last week, which is neat. I'm starting to bond with my baby as a person. When I feel little kicks I feel like I have a little friend all to myself that hangs out with me all day. It's pretty neat. I can see myself missing Ziggy when he/she is gone; thank goodness they will still be in my life though.

The other day I was confused because I felt kicks in two different places across my belly. I figured one kick was a real kick and the other was residual movement from the placenta. THEN I read my 24 week update and it said that Ziggy is one foot long! My gosh, both kicks were my baby!!! I can't believe I didn't realize how big my boopie has gotten. I remember when there was just a little apple in my belly and now I've got a foot-long, pounder in there. Nice!

On that note, I'm going to grab some dinner. By the way, Ziggy says hi. He/she started kicking as soon as I started typing this blog. Tootles!

The Pounder

Sooo...Ziggy weighs one pound now and just when my little munchkin gets into the 'pound' club mommy gets sick. I have had a drug free pregnancy so far- not even a tylenol, and I was hoping to go the whole way without any meds. However, on Sunday night Death came knocking on my door. It was horrible! I coughed so hard I hurt my back and had to sleep upright all night. Weldon said I better call the doctor before it gets worse so I did and he put me on some meds. Last night was the first night and boy did Ziggy tweak out! I saw and felt little lumps across my belly the whole night. Of course I'm scared that Ziggy was having Woodstock in my belly. Hopefully it is pure coincidence and I won't give birth to a mucinex crack baby.

Anyhoo, I'm still very comfortable. Although I'm not supposed to, I sleep on my back. It's the only way I can really get good sleep. Sometimes I start out with my right leg propped up like the doctor says I should do, but I always wake up on my back. I haven't had any more nerve attacks so I feel very fortunate. My only complaint is that my belly and lady lumps are itchy. I mean REALLY itchy. I got some palmer's lotion and it helped a little bit, perhaps I'll try using a little more. I'm still able to run, I mean jog, which still feels nice. I feel like a spaz when I don't get in my exercise (I'm totally into fitness for the endorphins). If I have to stop running I'll try walking uphill. Yoga is still okay, although I do it sporadically...I should probably do better.

I was worried about my appetite because it hasn't changed at all. I don't have any cravings so it makes it harder for me to eat a lot to support Ziggy. The doctor says that is okay and I have still gained 15 pounds, which is good. I must say that my hunger is getting more pronounced as of late so there could be a change on the prowl.

All in all, I probably have the world's most uneventful pregnancy. My mom told me this would happen. She said she should have had 10 children because her pregnancies were a breeze- I guess I inherited her way. I'm not complainining one bit though- thank the lawd!!!

Here are a couple of pics of my little Ziggy-pooh. Place your bets on gender...

Tootles!

P or No?

Um...sooooo...since I've been pregnant I've noticed a strange behavior in myself: perversion. It's so out of character. Normally I am the girl who makes subliminal comments for a good laugh but I'm not too outward about 'extracurricular activities'. That is, until Ziggy. I noticed this new found perversion recently when I was reading a celebrity gossip blog. To the left of the news story there was a link to click on 'celebrities caught on tape'. In the past, I wouldn't have clicked. It's just not my thing. But-uh, on this particular day I clicked....and peeked...and giggled...and clicked more...and scrolled down...and gasped...and clicked more. Twenty minutes later I realized that I was officially being a cyber 'dirty old man' so I stopped myself. I couldn't believe I had done that!!! Weldon was in the other room...how icky is that?!!!

I later told a friend of my findings on the gossip site. At first I saw nothing wrong with what I was sharing, then I noticed she looked at me weird. Uh oh...'celebrities caught on tape' was really just good old fashion porn pics. Gross!!! Who does that?? I've NEVER done that. I started thinking that something must've switched. It didn't take me long to realize that I have been looking at pictures of girlie parts for 5 months now on pregnancy blogs. My femininity has now switched roles and so things are not as taboo for me anymore. My body is now a vehicle with which I will nurture my baby. 'Lady lumps' are now baby bottles, for Pete's sake! I've got to get a hold of this dirty old man thing fast. I'm hoping I will switch back to my old self sooner than later.

On another note, Ziggy is now the length of a banana (that's kind of ironic, heh heh). My little banana actually kicks me all the time now. It's my favorite thing, too. Tonight was the first time I saw a kick from the outside. It is the most fascinating thing ever!!! I stared at my belly for the longest time watching Ziggy...what exactly was Ziggy doing??? Dancing? Stretching? I wonder what they're doing in there. At any rate, I'm still feeling great and hoping to continue on this blessed streak until the end of January.

Until next time...

Five Alive

Wow, it's been a while. I bet you can guess what the hold up has been: school started. I'm back in the working world. After two weeks, my body finally readjusted to getting up in the morning, projecting my voice, and standing on my feet for extended periods of time. At first, it was culture shock. When the alarm went off on the first day, I was scared there was a fire. In the car on the way to work, I kept wondering why there were so many other people on the road. It's funny what one can forget over the summer. At any rate, I'm happy to be back working. The summer was quite rejuvenating. Also, the anticipation of Ziggy made it a summer I will never forget: the last summer I'll spend as a non-mommy. GASP!!!

I get butterflies thinking about it. The other day I imagined how I will react when my water breaks. What will happen in the delivery room? Then it hit me: I will have a baby. One that I will keep forever...and ever. It will be my very own. What will become of life? Who will I be as a mother? Wellie and me??? Will there still be such a thing? The day before school started I wept in my husband's arms. I wasn't sad about the start of school, rather, sentimental at the truth of this past summer. I realized that it was the last summer that Weldon and I spent together, just the two of us. As I cried I told him that I am looking forward to being a parent and I'd see him in about 20 years. We will be old and gray the next time it is just us. Boy oh boy, how bittersweet is that?!

As a person who is totally into my marriage, I was always leary of having children. Weldon and I are so happy and we truly enjoy each other. Children were never a must-have for us; they were only ever a bonus. We always said that if God wants us to be parents, he will plant the seed in our heads, we never laid out a life plan for when we would start a family. We've been a family since the day we got married. Now, we are finally growing and it is so alarming at times. What a change!! I'm excited to team up with him to raise these kiddos. BUT (the infamous but), I am protective of my marriage. I don't want to lose what we have. Only a mother can explain the balance to me, maybe not even then. Perhaps when Ziggy comes it will all lay into place and make perfect sense. Until then, the anticipation is quite the emotional roller coaster.

Speaking of Ziggy. We are now 20 weeks along...aka...5 months! This is the first time in my life I can say that time is both flying by and standing still. I can't believe I am sitting here as my baby dances in my belly. It seemed like only yesterday I was sitting at the doctor's office praying that there would be a heartbeat in the UltraSound. Now here I am, with living proof every day that Ziggy is alive and well...and quite the character.

We have already had a standoff in the bed. My little eggplant didn't want me to lay on a certain side. Both of us stubbornly awaited the other to move. After 20 minutes I realized something: this baby is most likely an attitudinal little girl. That's right, I lost the battle. There was a part of me, however, that loooovvveeed the self-advocacy coming from my womb. I winked at my unborn child as I shifted in humble submission. Like I said before: I don't care about 'Alissa' anymore.

Since we last touched base I have also become a yogi. I'm truly enjoying it and I must say the breathing techniques are helpful, especially with school being in session. So far I get good sleep at night, about 7 hours' worth. I'm hoping I can somehow create a bank of energy that will carry over to January when Ziggy comes to tire me out. We'll see how that goes.

Other than the usual wonders of pregnancy not much else has been going on. I have been spending time with friends and family. Ziggy has been to a birthday party, a going away party, in which she was walked on by her cousin, seen various movies, and even been to a Dallas Cowboys football game at the new souped up psychadelic stadium. What a social life this little eggplant has! I can't wait to experience more Adventures of Ziggy as time goes by. Of course, I will keep you posted every step of the way.

Until next time...

Shalom

Some nerve...

OMG...this morning I was awoken out of my sleep by an excruciating pain in my lower back and all the way down my leg. I woke Weldon up and the two of us concluded it was probably my kidney. Yesterday I didn't drink a lot of water, perhaps a prego can't get away with that. Weldon suggeseted I drink some water. I went to the kitchen and chugged down a glass of H20. Moments later, the water didn't help- the pain persisted. Ouch! I decided I needed to be more aggressive in figuring this thing out, for Ziggy at the very least. I knew the hospital was where I needed to go but decided to try one more resource: nurse mommy. First, I shed a few tears. Dadbobbit, I'm a scaredy cat. I started worrying about what on earth was causing pain that was bad enough to wake me up. Of course I started fighting against thoughts of the worst while keeping in mind the pain was nowhere in the vicinity of my baby. I gathered my composure and called my mom. I asked her what she thought was going on and she immediately ruled out a kidney problem. Apparently, those don't come out of nowhere, especially for a person with no history. I am famous for self-diagnosis and was once again, incorrect.

"It's sciatica", she said sleepily (the call took place at 7am this morning). I googled this strange word with her on the phone and knew she hit the jackpot. Apparently some nerve called the sciatic nerve gets irritated easier during pregnancy. The pain shoots in the exact locale of my pain this morning and is relieved by bedrest and yoga. I stayed in bed for quite a while this morning and am in much better shape...thank goodness!!! It was pretty scary though. I have been spoiled with a painless, easy-breezy pregnancy and that truly threw me for a loop.

Speaking of yoga, I tried it on Wednesday. It was awesome!!! I felt so empowered doing strength training again. There is a lot more resistance involved in yoga than I remembered from classes I took years ago. I found myself struggling through certain poses, which I know is good for me and Ziggy. There was only one pose I couldn't do because my grapefruit was in the way. Yeah, that's right, Ziggy is now the size of a grapefruit...so big!!! I left the yoga class and got a video so I can do it out of my house whenever I want. I'm so happy that I will be a yogi!!!

So, yeah, Ziggy the Grapefruit is coming along. Other than the crazy nerve sitch everything has been great. In fact...

ZIGGY KICKED ME!!!

This time it wasn't a muscle spasm...I triple checked to make sure. It was my baby! It was the neatest thing ever. Of course I got greedy and wanted more kicks. I set my phone on vibrate and started buzzing all over my belly in hopes of stimulating Ziggy. It didn't work :( I was hoping we could play a little peek-a-boo game where I buzz and Ziggy kicks. No such luck. Oh well, at least my baby moved! Yippee!!!

PS I'm still 17 weeks along, which means my baby is advanced! Yayuh!

Enough said! Tootles!

Sooooo...I felt little flutters in my side last night. I felt elated that Ziggy finally kicked me! How crazy is it that pregnancy makes me want to get my butt totally kicked?! I really do though, Ziggy can sucker punch me or dropkick me anytime. I was just about to get up and catalog this milestone in my baby's prelife when suddenly I felt the same sweet little flutters in my lower back...then my upper leg. Oh no....

...a friggin' muscle spasm.

All this laying on my side has my muscles spazzing out at night. What a tease! Technically, kicks aren't due until week 18 or 19 and I'm only 17 weeks. Ziggy has already proven to be advanced so an early kick wouldn't surprise me. What? Oh, you didn't know that my baby is advanced? Yep. On our 8-week sono the doctor saw the spine and gasped involuntarily at how amazing it is. He said, "That's a really good spine" in the same tone you would say that a steak was good. He then printed an extra picture of my baby and said that he wanted to keep it for himself. My baby's spine is so magnificent that even an MD wanted a picture of it. I'm not bragging, just telling the facts.

Anyhoo, since Ziggy didn't kick me it would appear that I have another issue: my muscles are tense. I'm gonna go ahead and start yoga tomorrow. I figure if I get flexible enough I won't have to differentiate between baby kicks and muscle spasms. Maybe I will even be able to do the splits on the delivery table. Hmmm, would that be helpful or harmful? Better yet, what would that look like? Ew! Nevermind, I will just utilize any breathing techniques I learn while in yoga. Learning how to breathe properly would most likely calm me down since I'm a little nervous about delivery. My biggest fear is totally freaking out and trying to push my baby out as soon as my water breaks. I can be a little impulsive at times so I better go get on this yoga hustle to learn to manage my bad nerves.

Until next time...

I am not negative, I am a dancer.

I was reading someone's blog recently and she made an interesting comment. She said that the only rights she has with people are to accept them for who they are or stay away from them. Wow. That resonated with me. I have a problem with the shady little gray area I have created within this ideal. You see, I accept people for who they are (unless they piss me off or do something I think is stupid, then I 'vent' with someone else about how much they suck at life). I also stay away from people (unless I don't, which is the case with certain people in my life I have absolutely not accepted yet still associate with). Ugh! I'm wasting my time and others'. What a loser! So my plan is to now negate the gray area I have created and do the following: 1) stop 'venting' about people, because it is glorifed gossip and a reason to be bratty. 2) stop hanging around people I simply cannot deal with 3) truly accept people I simply cannot avoid 4) get cooler and more humble, heck, people accept my imperfections!



Someone who is really good at this is my sister (shout out!!). She has never been rude or nasty about people behind their backs. People have disappeared from her circle of friends over the years, but she never blasphemes people. She's pretty smart. I guess I feel guilty ex-ing people out of my life but now I realize I'm making myself miserable by keeping them around. I'm not a deity, I am not strong enough to be around people I can't accept. My pride has gotten in the way of my happiness!!! I'm the only idiot wasting my time with people I can't accept. Man...where was I when the memo was sent? Now I'm just plain embarassed.



I can't wait to see what I will do with all of my free time now that I will start to live by a new ideal. My conversations with my bff/hubby will be a lot different, because he's the one to whom I do most of my venting. I'm sure he will be relieved to hear me talk about something else besides how annoyed I am by people all the time. Perhaps I will take up reality TV watching. Better yet, I may even film my own life and post it on YouTube. There could be some things folks would find entertaining.

I will start off with my job. I teach middle school Spanish. It could be considered entertainment to watch me try to teach native Texans how to speak Spanish. PS: Texas is a red state. Funny!!!! I will also zoom in on the kids who eat boogers while reading library books. It's gross, because I see the books change hands from kid to kid and all I can picture is Kid A wiping his boogie on page 35. Yuck! If kids knew they were touching each other's boogies they probably wouldn't be so snotty towards each other (no pun intended).



Another point of interest would definitely have to be my cat. He sleeps just about all the time, but manages to find a new position EVERY time he naps. I don't get it. I've had him for six years and he still finds new positions. Take a look at this one:



Is he really comfortable? The other thing I find really odd about my cat is that he always opens his eyes for pictures. He's ALWAYS looking at the camera. I can never catch him off guard. How does he know?! He was totally knocked out until he heard my camera beep and then those little marble eyes opened up. Scary.

I would also focus on my husband, who does basketball poses when a ballad comes on the radio. I'm not kidding. He actually does an 'air' layup or fade-away when he hears Whitney Houston. It's hilarious. He also does a security check of our house every...single...time we come home. I'm not allowed to speak, in case the thief is being quiet and sneaky. I have to stay near the garage door, in case we have to run back out of the house. Then he goes from room to room, checking closets and underneath the beds. There is a weapon involved. A metal stick that was once a curtain rod. In case the thief is there, Weldon will be ready! Believe it or not, I have actually bought in to this ritual. I sneezed once and was terrified that I had given the thief opportunity to make a move. What's going on at the Barber house?!

Finally, I would turn the camera on myself. I actually sit for extended periods of time in my house with no television or music. What am I doing? Not reading, just thinking. It shows all over my face, too. Weldon says I look like a victim of shock. What am I thinking about? My 'to-do' list or designing a new outfit in my head or decorating my dream house. My favorite daydream is adopting a 2-year old. I know it's weird because I'm pregnant but I literally fantasize about bringing home a little 2-year old and putting her in a bubble bath and then feeding her the best meal she's ever had. Yes, it's always a girl. I actually get annoyed when Weldon interrupts me! If you don't daydream, then you should. It's pretty relaxing. I also have dance routines that I am dedicated to, they usually occur before I cook. In my head I am doing lyrical interpretations of Alicia Keys' songs, but in person I probably look like I'm having a seizure. Sometimes, Weldon walks into the kitchen while I'm dancing and I pretend I'm swatting a fly or stretching...it's too embarassing to own up to my dreams of being a dancer. I also do gymnastic beam routines on my tile lines. I'm really good at turns and jumps, I always stick my landing, too.

Already I am excited to have more free time. What a relief that I don't have to be weighed down by negativity. I feel dumb for figuring it out late but thanks to the blogger and my sister, I have good role models to keep me on track.

Shalom.

Lady Lumps and an Apple

There is an apple in my belly. It is alive. It is hard. I am scared to lie down on it for fear that I will crush it. It moves around to different spots in my belly. Now, I can actually poke around my belly and find my apple! Whenever I find it I'm always so happy! Weldon doesn't like me poking because he says I'm hurting Ziggy (I still do it...in secret). I can't help it! I love finding my apple!!! The other day I was bowling and when I bent down to roll the ball into the gutter my apple would pinch me a little bit. I eventually stopped bowling because I didn't like being pinched over and over again (and because I SUCK, hee hee). I'm sure that once I buy maternity pants I will stop getting pinched. It's weird though, because I'm not big enough for maternity pants yet so I just unbutton my top button like a beer daddy and keep it moving.

(By the way, my uncle touched my little poof of a bump yesterday. It was so cute. He is my first bump-toucher. My two friends, Nikki and Damion, don't count, because they've been touching my belly since I told them about Ziggy. They love my baby just that much! Weldon doesn't count either, because, well, he just doesn't!)

Anyhoo, speaking of maternity clothes...my chest is ready for maternity tops! Yeah, buddy, that's right. My girls are now women! I find myself peeking at them when I'm out in public, or at home, or in the shower, or driving. I think I like them too much. My bikini top is too small for me, which makes me sad because I must've been smaller than I imagined before Ziggy. What will I do when they go away? I WANT TO KEEP THEM. My mama says I can't. I say boooooo! I totally get why people get implants now. Before I didn't get it but now...man, oh man, I get it! If I wasn't afraid of goop leaking into my body and killing me I would sew them in like a weave, honey. I have no shame! With my luck, the goop would totally leak though, so I'll just take pregnant pics and keep them in my nightstand to peek at when this is all over.

Well, that's about it, folks. Me and my girls are gonna go struttin' around town like we do everyday. I gotta go put on my v-neck. Tootles.

Through the Night

I need to share an interesting story.

Tonight I got into a fight with a friend (I happened to be the one in the wrong). Because of my ill treatment of her it also caused friction between Weldon and I (he saw me be mean right in front of him). So far, nothing out of the ordinary has occured. Friends fight and husbands see us at our worst sometimes.

I was feeling heavy-hearted about the situation and decided to go to the bookstore to collect my thoughts. I picked through a book in the Christian section (yes, I was just that guilty...lol) and chose not to buy it. I went to the African-American section and thought to myself "sometimes being in tune with yourself is cultural, not religious". Sure enough the first book I saw was called "Souls of My Young Sisters". It is an anthology of different women's experiences with life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. No, that is not what the book called it, but that's what the stories were about. I flipped through a couple of stories and stumbled upon a familiar name. My friend Syreta from college was actually one of the authors! Sure enough when they gave the author description at the end of her story it said she was a Spelman graduate...it's really her! I closed the book and promptly went to purchase (I've got to support this cause). On the way out of the bookstore I carelessly grabbed a free bookmark, the prettiest one, and went home.

Sitting at home I was still heavy-hearted every time I thought about the fight. I knew the fight was trivial but the root of the fight was deep. Weldon and I watched a movie but periodically I would feel a pang on the inside. Once we settled in for the night I slipped out of bed and went to the guest room to cry it out. It was then that I finally figured out the deep-rooted issue that I am always having with people. It was made manifest to me tonight as I cried out by myself to God. I knew this epiphany was a gift because I prayed a week ago for an answer to the situation because I simply couldn't figure it out by myself. The answer was one simple word: vulnerable. I'm not it. She is. They all are. All the people I resent and get frustrated with. I've never been vulnerable because I was taught not to trust people and to self-protect. In reality there is freedom in vulnerability. I envy those with a freedom I do not have (ouch).

Boy was I really crying then. I knew why a lot of people around me might share my frustrations. They too may not be vulnerable. They may also resent the freedom that vulnerable people enjoy. Furthermore, they are mostly black women. Sisters. We have been taught to protect and never to trust, never to let anyone take care of us better than we can take care of ourselves. Are we 'self-protectors' as free as those daring enough to go against the grain? Nope. If we were then the resentment simply wouldn't be there. Suddenly I knew that it was not a coincidence that I picked up the book that featured my Spelman sister. I didn't want to wake Weldon so I grabbed my book and free bookmark and went into the living room where I now sit.

I was prepared to bury myself in my new book. However, as I picked up the bookmark I noticed a scripture written on it. Remember, I didn't even pay attention to what was on it as I left the bookstore. This is what it said:

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalms 91: 11-12

On the back of the bookmark was an advertisement for a book. The book is called "Through the Night." Wow.

I know people who struggle with their faith and are confused about Jesus. The only way I know to share my understanding is through stories like these. If God has your ear there is a lot He has to say. Just listen. I have an open ear to God so I learned so much tonight. The most prevalent lesson was to let go and trust people. I started thinking that my baby will be vulnerable too. Am I going to resent him or her? Why wouldn't I unless I start to break the habit now, through the night.

I'm not even trying to turn this into a holy ghost, speaking-in-tongues kind of site, just a girl who got chills when she picked up a bookmark. It was too real not to share. Love ya.

Spritekin

Wow....I don't know where to begin. Ziggy is bigger now! There is a hard lump in my belly about the size of an apple, I think that may be my baby. I was sitting down the other day and reached over to give something to my niece and I pinched the apple...it kind of hurt! Then I felt bad because I hope I didn't pinch my baby too! Yikes! The point is, my baby boo is growing! I would post a belly pic (yep, I took one) but Weldon thinks that's a bad idea. He's very protective and says that stalkers may be reading this blog too and if I post belly pics someone in the Cuban baby trading mafia may knock on our door one day and cut the baby right out of my belly. That would truly suck so I guess I won't post any pics of my apple bump.



On another note, I am now a seamstress. Yep, that's right, I got out a needle and thread the other day and it was all for Ziggy. I told you I barely recognize myself! So what I decided was that my baby needs a stuffed animal made especially by me. I went and got a Japanese 'cute dolls' book and found the perfect creature to make! He's called a Spritekin! My other choices were a monkey with a frowny face, a liar, and a kidnapper. I'm NOT joking. There were literally patterns on how to make a kidnapper, including the napsack for the children he kidnaps. Yes, he specifically kidnaps children as stated in his description. I settled for Spritekin because he's just so darn cute.



Making this doll was quite an undertaking though. My niece and I were going stir crazy trying to cut patterns, sew and stuff these things. He looks so simple but it took us three hours to make them! We were both so spent that we wanted to punch the dolls in the face when we were finished! Once we saw the cute faces we decided against it.

Take a look:



Isn't he cute?! He even posed for his picture! Before you ask, I have no idea what he is. I'm just hoping my baby will love and adore him forever and ever simply because I made it. Perhaps he or she will even bring Spritekin to show and tell!

Anyhoo, that's all for now. Please excuse me while I go eat a pickle.

Baby Brain or Baby on the Brain?

People say that baby brain is a phenomena that happens during pregnancy and I do have it. There are certain things that I don't quite get the first time...and I used to. My husband is always smirking because I say things differently and stumble on words. I totally have baby brain!

Another thing has occured though, my brain is focused on what's important vs. what should be shed from my life. I recently discovered pop music as one of those things. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing the music, but the image behind it is just downright annoying. I'm not sure I want to see another person parading across a stage in a leotard with no pants singing about something they don't know anything about let alone compose his or herself.

Weldon thinks that I don't have baby brain at all, that I'm growing up. Whatever it is, I'm totally over the Lady Gaga aggravation- she's so desperate to be different that she has totally hidden who she really is behind some ghastly, cryptic image that has no real theme. What if my child tries to do that?!!! Weldon and I look at these people and laugh; we totally don't take them seriously. How did we get this way? How will mini-me get this way? Not by living in a bubble, I'm sure, but there's got to be a fine line between over-exposure to trash and protection from trivial pursuits. What a balance!!!

From now on, my iPod will be set on something that promotes peace, entertainment, and understanding...at the same time. It's just that I don't want my baby thinking that the standard out there is a leotard, no pants, and the cheesy illuminati gang of celebrities. Don't get me wrong, I plan on being a role model for my child, but I have to be honest with myself about how realistic that is. After all, when I was twelve years old I wasn't looking at my mama and daddy for any advice on how to handle my 3rd-period crush.

I'm sure this new revelation is based loosely on my raging hormonal level but as of right now I'm annoyed and done with Pop. Gosh, who knew that I would be so overprotective of a 14-week old fetus? I don't even recognize myself (not just because there are zits all over my face).

To the beat of 'Tik Tok'

Wake up in the morning feeling like Bette Midler

Outside my window there's construction and its making me iller

All I need in my life is a little more sleep

'Cause trust me when I say this baby's making me weak

I'm talkin bustin' out of all my clothes, clothes

Boogies coming out my nose, nose

Can never get quite so coz-y

My husband thinks my brain is crazy

People lookin' at my belly

Tryin' to figure out if I'm chubb-yyyyyy

Tik Tok on the clock

Ziggy's coming in 6 months

Can't stop going pee

I think i'm going crazy

Can't stop eating pizza if you try to tell me no it's like ooooh noo, oooh no!

Ain't got a bra in my drawer that can fit from last year

Ain't got no pants that I don't have to unzip, my dear

And now here all the questions trying to find out the gender

I just kick 'em to the curb cause I ain't got an idear

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

You wake me up, to ask me what?

Excuse me, boy you are crazy?

Next time you need to ask me, please

Before I go into dream sleep

REPEAT CHORUS

Oil Spill- Not Really Over

Okay, so I'm really happy that the cap is working in the gulf so far. That is very encouraging because I was starting to be sick with worry about the future of our country and the marine life out there. Phew!

On another note, the oil spill on my face is still going strong...ugh! My sister says that acne comes with the territory in the first trimester...um...I thought week 13 was the 2nd??? Why is my forehead still resembling a golden avocado?!

Honestly speaking, acne, nausea (minus the barfing), and fatigue are my only complaints thus far, so technically I'm doing great, but still! I am tired of rubbing my nose and coming away with a puddle of oil on my fingertips. Ziggy, give mommy a break!

Believe it or not, my scalp is more oily as well. Weird, huh?! I've always leaned on the oily side of the spectrum when it came to hair, but this is something new. Everyone else seems to have more volume and a nice shine to their hair during pregnancy; my hair is more like a cotton ball that has been dipped in betadine solution- not cute. Hopefully I will have a turn to have luscious baby-induced locks. We'll see...

I gotta go, we are getting the house sprayed down with bug repellant and hubby doesn't want Ziggy and me to sniff too much. Perhaps a pedi while I wait?!

Intro to Barberville

Life

I am STILL somewhere between 20 and 30, but only for one more year. Yes, that's right, I'm 29 years old. What better way to say 'goodbye' to my twenties than to say 'hello' to motherhood? You got it again, I'm pregnant! I didn't plan on being pregnant longer than about 2 months, who knew hubby would hit the jackpot that fast?! Sooooo...we are now kicked into high gear, which is not a problem at all, just a little shocking.

My occupation is a teacher, a middle school Spanish teacher. I love it. In typical American fashion I do, however, want more out of life. The usual fame and fortune in any particular order wouldn't hurt, but until that time I'm content in my career and happy on a daily basis. I am grateful to have a career and not a job, employment instead of the contrary, and the ability to speak the beautiful Spanish language. I am truly blessed and looking forward to using my talents and abilities in other avenues of life in the near future. Like writing, singing, and momming. Yes, I invented a new verb, which I think is long overdue. Moms, you're welcome.

Love

I am happily married. It's been three years since I walked down the aisle and still every night feels like a slumber party. I can honestly say that I am in the 'soulmate' crew- Weldon is the one that was crafted for me. Holler if you feel me, married ladies! Single ladies, DON'T SETTLE. Ever.
Since we are on the subject of love I find it necessary to give a shout out to my gray cat, Alexander the Great, he is truly a little piece of my life that I am grateful to have; I will always cherish the time I have spent with him (6 years and counting).
Also, a new love has entered my life so suddenly and has drastically changed me forever- Ziggy. Weldon and I named our unborn child after the second phase of gestation in which the baby is a zygote, because we are both silly and when I first found out I was pregnant I corrected Weldon one morning when he said, "Tell the fetus I said to have a good day." "No baby," I replied, "It is only a zygote right now." Thus, Ziggy, the zygote became a household name and 9-month nickname for our baby, because we won't be finding out the gender. We have always wanted to be surprised and here goes the battle of the onesie- pink or blue??? We'll have to shop online from the hospital, I guess!

The Pursuit of Happiness

Oh my goodness. I have done it all in an effort to find the ever-latent, mysterious, free, and fulfilling 'happiness'. When I was just me I travelled the world- kissing foreign cheeks as the Spaniards do, kneeling before thousands of candles at the Notre Dame Cathedral, blasphemed a German castle, and indulged in the frivolties of the Netherlands. I searched high and low for myself and my love and for peace- sometimes soliciting the help of whatever liquid or smokey substance that could push me along. Ultimately, I found me the same place The Alchemist found it...my own backyard. I never lost me. Funny, huh? Oh well...I had fun 'living like I was dying', so I won't dare complain.

As a married woman I am now soaring like an eagle, my Aerie is the home I share with Weldon and Alex. I am the queen but I have responsibilities, too. Some of my royal duties include laundry, cooking, cleaning, exercising, and communicating with my boys so they know they are loved. It ain't easy being a queen!!! I wish I had a few maids-in-waiting to help! Maybe Ziggy will be a girl...lol! I feel it necessary to be cheesy by saying that the wind beneath my wings is my husband. He is so much fun and so unselfish and so I don't have to deal with dead-weight-drama at home. Life is too hard and so I'm grateful to have peace on the homefront.

Now, I am entering into mommyhood and I am so unbelievably stoked. Wow. I am so ready for this baby and this new phase in my life. Tonight I was at the bookstore and I got butterflies in my stomach as I walked into the children's section. I will one day have a munchkin of my own to read to! Just that alone gives me great joy. It's so funny because I am an innately selfish person, yet this baby is already in the driver's seat. I am so done with 'Alissa' it's almost miraculous. Anything I do now is only for Ziggy, who is only 13 weeks along. Crazy, huh?!


By now you have noticed that I am long-winded. I just wanted to give a thorough introduction to myself. Please, follow me, but only if you are curious about a gal from nowhere on a journey through life, and in love, and pursuing happiness.